Saturday, 5 July 2008


That's how I feel tonight. Completely flat.

I spent all day collecting little titbit memories to blog about (excluding the weekly saturday express-train to nervous breakdown grocery shop) and even had 2 goodies to get me kick-started.

Then DH left for his night shift. And my mood, very quickly, quietly and thoroughly plunged. To flat. I hate hate hate these police shifts. He didn't get in till 10am this morning, was meant to finish at 7 but as virtually every shift, had to stay late. We never did anything vastly exciting or important at weekends - no family near and no one my girls know well enough for me to leave them with, our high point was usually a takeaway, a DVD, and maaaaaybe, if we were feeling frivolous, a bottle of wine or a couple of beers between us.

But that complete together, relaxed, home, US thing rocked my world. We're so comfortable together, find the same things funny, understand each other's weird worries, oh and we can even share it in russian if the english word doesn't quite hit it!

Now it feels like he's never here. Not in any significant amount anyway. I'm not good at TV, it takes me some discipline to actually sit that inactive. With him watching a movie was activity in itself, just being there with him. But there's no point without him here.

He tried so hard to get into the police - 3 goes. It didn't come easy as the hurdle of not being a native speaker of english was, and in some ways still is, huge. I am so proud of him. But, there's a big part of me saying 'be careful what you wish for' Yes, he got in, but not only now really faces the mountain of learning the job, but also it has had such colossal impact on the time we get together...

OK, one bit of what I wanted to blog about before I got a case of the sads:

Alice and I have a fairly complicated ritual regarding bedtime, the penultimate part of which is 'so, darling - what are you going to dream about?'

Tonight's answer: Birmingham

Each to their own, Alice, each to their own.


KeepinUnity said...

awwww it not nice wen ya left alone,i crave time apart form doug , im always planning something without him,we r in each others pockets all the time,n then the other week he was out most days n afew nights n u know what i was bloodly lonely n eating dinner alone is pritty dire too,alice must hav wild dreams about birmingham!!!

Ronda's Rants said...

I feel your pain! I am still surprised after all thses much I miss my Hubby!
My father is retired police and my brother is a homicide detective...I know you are proud but you both will give so much. I don't think people have any idea sometimes. I think that is pretty amazing myself...good for him for trying 3 times...he is a keeper!
Love your blog!