Wednesday, 30 April 2008

Things to do when you feel pissy...


2. Turn into a screeching, hysterical banshee with DH as soon as he comes in, over an issue you could quite easily have discussed like 2 humans who have vowed to be life partners

3. Look for funny stuff on the net (takes some doing)

4. Start a blog entry cos so much of the supposedly 'funny' stuff on the net is dire. And makes you feel more pissy.

5. Ignore the cat's pleading for biscuits (if you're suffering so can he)

6. Eat a bit more

7. Think about what you're gonna eat next

8. Sigh a lot

9. Demand DH puts something on TV you like, then when he does sniff and say 'too late, I am blogging now'

10. Go to bed early to make the nasty day go away

11. Can you eat in your sleep?

Sunday, 27 April 2008

All about Florence

On July 10th 2005 Alice was being looked after by my lovely midwife friend, and DH and I were scrubbing our house out, on our knees. It was a hot day and I kept coming over all 'funny'. Made myself drink more and cracked on.

A week or so after we moved I felt the usual rumblings of AF on her after day...every morning I woke up with enough AF pain to be absolutely convinced she would be there...nothing.

After a week of this, during a quick visit to the supermarket I tossed a First Response (am becoming an advert for them!) in the trolley, saying to DH 'this will start it, it always has done' At home DH unpacked the shopping and went and watched TV, whilst I nipped to the loo, did the stick wee and stuck the test on the side. I then glanced back and saw the biggest, thickest, almost BLACK second line. O M G. I AM PREGNANT. GULP. HOW DID THAT HAPPEN. I minced down to DH with the immortal words 'I know why I haven't got my period...and held out exhibit A'. Alice, our 7m gurgled happily on her mat, unaware of the enormity of what was happening, and unaware she was on her way to being a big sister - BIG? who were we kidding??!! She was tiny! not even crawling!

My lovely GP at the time (sadly missed, Dr Dave, sadly missed) bunged me on steroids straight away to combat any potential immune stuff which was part of our original problems previously, and also set up weekly BPs/wee tests to spot any pre eclampsia hints early on. We had a swift early scan at 5+5 which showed a little sac and yolk sac. At 8w I had a sudden urge to test again. It was negative. The world stood still, until that point we didn't know how we felt, to be truthful, but suddenly we had stepped back in time and it looked like we were travelling down an old road again. But a scan 2 days later showed a healthy little blob with a cracking heartbeat and we were back in the game.

Florence's was from that point a fairly uneventful pregnancy. Apart from feeling a little foolish waddling into the ante-natal clinic with a baby in a pushchair, and seeing the 'looks' (no, honestly - we really DIDN'Texpect this to happen!) it was a breeze. I had lots of scans as Alice had been so small they wanted to be completely sure things weren't going awry in there. The only complication Florence gave us was her determination to ignore the fact that she needed to move into some sort of birth position. She was lying right across me with the cord bundled below her 'tranverse unstable lie'. We live quite far from the hospital (30-40 mins) and the consultant said that was too long to chance me going into labour, it had to be planned c-section, and I had to be in hossy from 36w. I had had some periody pains, from about 30w, but of course, not having sniffed labour with Alice I had nothing to go by. When I did get taken in to sit it out until 38w they saw I was actually having regular contrax on the monitor. Within a day or so of lying around like Lady Muck in hospital it had all stopped, so probably overdoing it with work/Alice.

A not particularly pleasant c-section and my Flower was with us. She seemed huge, huuuuge compared to Alice, but absolutely perfect. We had a few problems in the first few days with her blood sugar and temp, but some TLC and things got sorted.

Florence is such a huge character. You cannot ignore that fact she's around. She's very, very active and is very inquisitive - nothing is safe from her roving eyes and hands. She, like her big sis has a healthy sense of humour and is constantly chuckling to herself. We did have an awful time as she went over the year point, without getting mobile in any sense - taking our concerns to the medics confirmed there may well be something amiss, and for 3 months DH and I were devestated there might be something seriously wrong with our littlest girl. Thank heavens, she caught up, all of a sudden. Florence is now, not only my opinion but daycare's too, very ahead for her age, and her vocabulary is huge, 10-word complex sentences and games almost as involved as Alice's being the norm. Florence adores her 'mo-mo' (scraggy monkey toy), Tigger and Scooby-Doo. She also loves The Little Mermaid and does the 'singing' bit with much gusto. She's recently hit the age where they start knowing fear, and we now regularly have conversations around 'I'm a bit scared of elephants, Mummy' (word for word!) She loves playing house, and climbing - the latter to our dismay most of the time, she can be a big worry. She has the most delicious feet, and luckily for me she loves having them held/stroked because I am addicted to them! She's very, very cuddly, and my favourite time with her is when it's her and me after her bath, kissing, playing and stroking her dry into her jim-jams.

Florence, you are the daughter I TRULY never dared even get as far as dreaming about. I am so thankful for you, and how you came along - my cautious nature would have probably stopped me even thinking about trying for #2, assuming we'd had all our share of luck with Alice, but you snuck in there and I am so pleased you did. I call you my little bright sunshine face, that's what you are. I love you my little sweet darling.

Thursday, 24 April 2008

All about Alice

We first saw Alice when she was tiny. Microscopic. 4 cells big. Alice was the happy result of our 2nd IVF, after 5 chemical pregnancies and 3.5 years of tears, frustration and angst.

I joined Weightwatchers 5 days past transfer, I was so lacking in hope and knew we'd decided this was the end of the line for us. 2 days in I was eating like a horse and my 20 'points' didn't seem to be enough to keep a mouse alive. 8 days past transfer I decided to test, wanting to get into the right frame of mind by accepting negatives. There was the faintest line. The next day it was a little darker, the next darker still. I held this little secret inside me, along with this invisible-to-the-naked eye little person. I couldn't let myself think about it. I couldn't think of anything else. I also started to get the symptoms of OHSS, which I knew were a good sign in the second week of the 2ww. I finally 'treated' myself to a first response. Bright, lovely, lovely, gleaming pink lines. 2 of them. That night I told DH, with no fanfare or tricks. We'd been here before, and out the hideous dark other side all too often. We got the official postive from our clinic at 17 days post transfer. High, high, rampaging hcg numbers. The day after I started bleeding. An NHS emergency doc asked me exactly how IVF worked and I knew I was onto a loser. The CARE scan saw twins. The bleeding continued, got worse, and finally at 8w we lost the twin.

But...not my Alice! Alice was a tiny scrap at birth - 4lb 11oz, pre eclampsia had cheated her of yummy in-mummy dinners, so she set to, gobbling all hours of the day and night. Ignoring the boob, far more interesting to suck her own tongue so we had to go onto bottle, no fall-back fat to mess around with establishing and teaching her breastfeeding.

Alice is a gorgeous, bright, hysterically funny little girl. Every day she astounds me with her imagination. Alice charms everyone she meets, she's such a chatty, friendly and loving little girl. Alice has beautiful, unusual eyes - cornflower blue with icey green in the centre. Alice is very slight, but now (Thank God!) eats us out of house and home. Alice loves doing puzzles, and playing house. Her games are very convoluted these days and I can sit and listen forever to 'here comes the postman, he's bringing letters for Snow White and then she'll make dinner for the ducks'. Alice loves riding her bike, and pedals around..and around...and around forever. She loves pre-school and comes home full of stories of what went on, and especially funny, who got told off for being naughty (never includes herself in these stories so I presume her behaviour is exemplary ;-) ) Alice is very, very cuddly, and my favourite time with her is when she climbs into bed with me in the morning at weekends, just before Florence wakes up. Adorable (bony!) little warm body curled into mine, us stroking one another's cheeks and murmering silliness to each other. Alice has a huge sense of humour and finds so many things funny, and is already coming out with hilarious one-liners. I sometimes find it hard to tell her off with her cheeky grin and silly sayings - she knows exactly how to make me explode into giggles.

I love you Alice, thank you for coming to us. You were most definitely worth all that went before and I feel so lucky to have you. When I kiss you goodnight I still have that flicker at seeing the first positive and my heart swells with love knowing that was you, the beautiful, beautiful little girl you are.

Wednesday, 23 April 2008

Is there more to life than this?!!! Have I got it wrong?!

0600 - up, get me ready

0615 - go prepare b/fast, feed yowling cat, check BlackBerry for days appts

0700 - girls up, wash, chase and dress, try to stuff b/fast down

0745 - girls and me into car (me driving seat, if I am lucky) and drop off at Sam's

0830 - Arrive at work and catch up on sodding 35 emails sent since I left at 4 yesterday

0845 - 1st appt of the day - Student from 6m ago hasn't used what he learnt so go over it all again (I should just turn on dictaphone)

0945 - Ring local college to research funding for Teacher Training degree for our staff, report back to boss lady, prepare report, collate figures for Diversity qual, start work on Lesson plan QA sampling (boring)

1050 - inhale toast, no time for coffee, ring IT to sort stupid internet

1105 - Go to Traffic Police to assess the boss on Diversity. The have strategy meeting on how to roll it out on her area. The discuss progression of Investigation qualification with another person.

1230 - Arrive back at HQ, eat lunch with girls, come up with new 'Mission Statement 'Don't ignore us, we'll ignore you'. Like it, good one Sian.

1250 - Continue work on QA boring McBoring plan. Insert myself stupidly into a political firestorm over website maintenance.

1400 - Nice, positive, proactive student arrives. Oh no, I am dreaming. Work hard with overcoming 'learning barriers' UGH.

1500 - Read a delightful fallout email on the website saga. Have chat with member of staff over her work worries/issues.

1550 - Ask colleague for advice/vent on firestorm

1600 - Drive to childminders

1640 - Insert hysterical, tired Alice and hysterical, copying Florence into car. Drive home to screaming, accompanied by 'Scandalous'.

1700 - Cook garlic chicken, potatoes, carrots and peas/read gas and electric meters/put a wash in/empty drier of books (? books? ok, Florence, thanks), put dry washing into ironing pile, other away.

1730 - Eat dinner/wash up/prepare DHs lunch for tomorrow

1830 - upstairs, get girls clothes ready for morning, tidy their rooms, run bath, get changed

1900 - bath girls

1920 - lovely lovely stories and cuddles

1945 - downstairs, start ironing

2030 - clean kitchen

2100 - Sit! DH comes home.

2300 - blog! bloody idiot!

Saturday, 19 April 2008

And just one of the reasons I am glad I have girls...

I can't just post a pic, website doesn't let you save them. But on a rainy afternoon, with DH at football, what are us girls meant to do?!


And did we. DH should have been alerted by my browsing history last night tee hee.

Alice has the red ones. We're both drooling we're so in love with them. Florence has FiFi wellies, which she is equally in love with.

Friday, 18 April 2008

Stay on the ball!!

Sorry long time no blog!

What's been happening (and this will be a whistle stop tour as you can see what time it is and I am bushed!)

In the last blah weeks we've been...

Working on sorting out Florence's seeming lack of comprehension that nighttime is for sleeping, not for demanding anything she can think of: (this is not an exhaustive list: dummy, mo-mo the monkey, Scooby Doo, Alice, me, DH, the little boy from daycare, a McDonalds, milk - had to be in there - sweets, crisps, sausage rolls and FiFi the Flowertot)

At Alice's suggestion giving her dummies to the fairies. Oh and would we kindly ask for them back 24 hrs later. Hmmmmmm.

Falling off the diet wagon so hard I despair of ever getting back on

Having blood tests for menopause - Yippee, the end is nigh! :-P

Welcoming my parents back to the UK after they went and spent some time in their place in Spain, lucky gits.

Admiring DH making his first arrests and doing interviews and OOOH lots of Policey stuff

Another bit of news I can't mention yet (alright, I discovered my Mum is the Queen of England)

Going on playdates with girls from work and their lovely children - my, there is a world away from Yahoo 360, who would have thought it!

Trying to find a ballet class for Alice that is on a Saturday - seemingly impossible at the moment, they're all either at what is teatime for my girls (and believe me they're ravenous by then!) or weekday mornings....which I can't do. Very odd, things have changed because I know I used to go to ballet on a Saturday morning.

Alice is giving up naps, and not enjoying it - well, playing in the garden all afternoon she loves, but by 4-5pm she's as miserable as sin, hopefully she'll adjust soon, I feel for her, I really do.

I started a Management Diploma. Obviously it's a homework deal (isn't it always!) but is very interesting, I am managing (geddit?!) to do a bit each week, and luckily work match the hours you put in 50% so you do get some time back. Oh, and they're paying too.

So that's our however long in a nutshell!

Friday, 4 April 2008


We had to take the car for its estimate today, and after having woken up in a murder scene again (ok trying to paint a picture here!) I thought I might as well try to get in at the docs.

So, set up blood tests for menopause...MENOPAUSE...I am 40!!! not 50! no words of concern, comfort, just coldly ordered the blood tests, said depending on them they'll remove the implanon oh and you probably have an ovarian cyst..have some mefanamic acid.

No scan, NO bedside manner, in and out in 5 mins with possibly life-changing news. The swabs had come back clear, they're still waiting for the smear, but I am stunned I may have managed to have my kids in a far smaller window than I ever imagined - bear in mind I had an undiagnosed thyroid problem up until 2002, and then it took another 2 years to find the immune stuff. Presumably the name f the game is either you get bored with going back so they don't need to solve anything, or you keep on and finally you get somewhere and force them to spend some money.

So far, so good with Florence. I let her have her late feed, she started crying straight after it, lasted about 5 minutes. Bedtime tonight was about 30 seconds!

Thursday, 3 April 2008

Only the tired and the brave

Young Florrie kicked off again last night. She first of all woke for some milk, gulped it, went quiet for 10 mins then it started....she'd had 8oz, but kept asking for more. There was NO way I fancied doing the complete bed/room clean and 2 baths to clean up sick so I refused...and refused. She just got more and more angry, and DH (BLESS HIM) gave me a huge cuddle and said 'we're going to get through this, it's time to knock this whole milk deal on the head' So I checked her once more (sent her to a new pitch of fury) and went back to bed to cuddle up and hope for her to stop. I think it took about 45 mins, with some sporadic calls for me afterwards for about an hour...but she eventually gave in.

Tonight, there was NO sick (so far please, please) as once she'd had a decent amount of milk I refused her any more and left the room. Alice, bless her (she is getting so good and grown-up) had her story through full-on screaming then suddenly it just stopped. Of course, glass-half-empty me immediately worried that something had happened, but a quiet listen at her door reassured me she had in fact just gone to sleep.

I think Gina, you're right, some of it is certainly to do with the time change. If nothing else it's far too coincidental for it to have kicked off now. I also think this milk thing is firmly in the middle of it - she does use it as a ploy to get me. Sooooo....tonight is the real test. We're going to refuse her ANY milk. It's time for it to go. I am praying that last night started teaching her we're being firm now, and hoping desperately that the relatively easy bedtime shows that indeed some of it is starting to make sense.

But, apart from the fact that we may well have a very long night ahead, I am completely chinstrapped and am going to have a VERY early night.

Wish us luck!

Wednesday, 2 April 2008

There may be trouble ahead...

Just when you think you have everything sussed..something changes. Over the last few days Florence has been showing big signs of separation anxiety. Last night, as I blogged yesterday was not good. Unfortunately tonight was a repeat.
The good news is, Florence ISN'T poorly. She was fine in the morning, and all day. The bad news, of course, is that bedtimes are something to once again dread. Somehow I need to work out how to keep her calm-ish, NOT give any milk until I can go in with her and sit and settle her, whilst also getting Alice to go to bed without running around like a lunatic. Florence eventually settled with me sat next to her cot, and slowly creeping backwards out (this gradual retreat has worked before when bedtimes have become difficult).
They certainly keep you on your toes. Any logistics suggestions very welcome!

Tuesday, 1 April 2008

Stories, sleep and sick

Not the best of bedtimes here tonight. After a wonderful, happy, funny teatime and bathtime things went rapidly downhill, starting with the expected onslaught of crying from Florence. She seems to have hit another separation anxiety moment and it's the worst so far. Apart from the huuuge clinginess she's displaying currently, we now have a big battle at bedtime with her grabbing me and not wanting me to leave. I am a far braver Mummy now, made of sterner stuff than the old days of collapsing in tears and giving up after 5 minutes. So I ignored the first burst and left her for a while, went back in and she was contrite and asking for milk - which I gave her.

Now it's the vomiting part. Bed stripped, Florence stripped, Mo-Mo the monkey and his vomity face unceremoniously flung down the stairs. 2 more baths, one for rinsing chunks, the next for full scrub and hairwash. Bless her, Alice was a star! She sat on her bed cuddling Florence while I got new bedding etc. out. Then another 45 mins of on-off crying. Oh, add in Alice's 24 loo trips too! All is silent now, and I think (hope) Florrie is ok, she didn't feel hot and was chatting well enough when I read to her, had a teeny bit more milk (and kept it down). Watch this space.

A vile, boring but necessary day of verifying today. My most unfavourite job. I like the assessor support/development side of being a verifier but HATE sampling, well, the qualification I looked at today I do. I think my other ones have spoilt me, I just don't enjoy the run-of-the-mill stuff any more.

The other point of interest today. I neglected to set the alarm last night. With DH on his fledgling footsteps as a PROTECTOR OF OUR PEACE (not that I mock him, oh no, not me) it was possibly one of the worst days I could pick to do it. I might aim for a Court date next time. I blame the clock change - I actually woke up at my 'normal' time, which would've meant he'd have been ok, but for those pesky kids in Govt making up move the clocks an hour forward. He did his first suspect interview today, I am so proud! Wish I could hear the tape of him doing the caution....awwww. Not like mine 'Tell us everything or we'll blow your kneecaps off'.

The bleeding's getting worse. DH is REALLY not gonna believe me when I tell him it's here again. He isn't the most au-fait with lady-stuff but even he knowsit isn't meant to be a constant state. Does this count as abnormal? He (Il Doctore) said come back if there is any more abnormal bleeding. I might ask for a sex change. That'll sort it. Not extreme at all. Will tell DH he needs to turn gay.