Tuesday, 26 August 2008

Science for Mummies

1. Newtons Law - for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. For mummies this means that every developmental step has a DARK side. Ooooh, yippee, he's walking already. Oh holymotherofgodandallthebiggysaintpeople he's walked right out onto the road.

2. Magnetism - this works in two ways: the first that a baby/toddler will be irresistably attracted to anything dangerous - if it's there, they'll find it. The second is magnetism from dirt - your child will suck it onto themselves. This last one grows in strength according to how recently you have changed them into that 'darling little outfit'.

3. Gravity - especially strong around toddlers, what goes up, or actually is even pretty happy level, will come down in the hands of toddlers. This is especially true of breakable items r messy things (then revert to rule 2.).

4. Thermodynamics - a young child will increase their ability to kick off covers in a directly proportional measurement according to how cold it is - and conversely, will manage to wrap themselves up in every scrap of their bedding, toys and mattress if they try really hard, as the weather gets warmer.

5. Energy can't be destroyed. No, it can't. Honestly. Trust me. It may be temporarily delayed, but then only to appear in a different form shortly afterwards. Usually centering around the magnetism rule.

6. Matter can be destroyed. Very easily. And quickly.

7. Nature hates a vacuum. So do young children (not only the vacuum cleaner as in my little eccentrics) Toddlers don't long tolerate a vacuum very well either. And will usually fill it according to the other laws.

8. The speed of sound. Actually the speed of silence and just how much can be accomplished by little hands in that silence. Beware quiet.

9. Babies and toddlers are secretly nocturnal creatures and it would do us good to adapt to their natural tendencies - dark doesn't mean sleep.

10. The law of infinity - They will take you to your limits - and past them. The biggest of these is just how much you can love another being. It just keeps on growing. And growing.....

6 comments:

Ronda's Rants said...

Oh my goodness that is so funny!
First off I forgot that a mummies is a Mommy and I am thinking mummy as Egypt...
So now I got it! And it is all so very true...I would love to say it gets easier but a Mom is a Mom forever and sometimes that is a very long time! And yet, not long enough.

Danifred said...

I think you've hit them all on the head! Especially magnetism- you should see how filthy my little dumplings can become in NO time!!!
Thanks for stopping by my blog :)

KeepinUnity said...

lol bunny well said.My mum tells me where she went wrong now with her parenting,instead of critising me now,its quite refreshing,i think the older she has gotten n looked at her own mummie(not the kind in white bandages ronda lol)made me laugh so much ty.)she realises the positives n negaitives of both there styles/learnt parenting.

theclam said...

Hahahaha, love this post - must remember these for future reference ;)

Arpee said...

Let me add another on your list...

Entropy - the tendency to move from order to disorder. You just fixed the living room (substitute another room here), then your lovely children spends some time there and before you know it, it's just like the hurricane came by! It's crazy to even make it a goal to keep your house clean and orderly with children!

Ronda's Rants said...

I have an award for you! Come on over to my blog when you get a chance and get it!