There's a little girl called Florence...

underneath 1000's spots...poor, poor little thing. She's doing well with it, moodwise she's not bad at all, ate a little better today, some horrific nappies...but SO MANY SPOTS.

We're using calamine cream, piriton at nights and just picked up some homeopathic pills called 'Rhus Tox' on the advice of one of my friends. We always use homeopathic where we can, and to date have found it fab - esp. what we use for constipation. I will let you know how this one goes.

DH starts work as a fully-fledged police officer Saturday night - he's been a trainee up till now. I am a bit worried as his first shift is the wonderful 9pm-7am pub/club kickout the drunk idiots night. Hopefully he'll be ok.

Florrie has chicken pox

and she's covered, poor little mite. It really does hit siblings harder. She's quite restless tonight, has been off her food and is v clingy. I could weep looking at all the spots. I could almost watch them coming up earlier.

Poor Florence xxx

Totally wild

Oh, what a fab fab fab fab day!

We went to a Safari Park with the girls (of course!) Woburn Safari Park isn't too far from us, and today being the only predicted good weather for Bank Holiday weekend, we seized the day. We were a little worried, in case the girls got scared of the up-close-and-personal view of the animals (they live wild and you drive round in your car) but they (and we) loved it.

There weren't hundreds and hundreds of animals there, but what you did see lived beautifully naturally and behaved that way. Highlights were a Siberian tiger trotting towards us, the face was just amazing...2 black bears rolling and playing in the sun...a pride of lions sunning themselves on a little hill, with big daddy lion watching us very carefully a little behind them....and monkeys climbing all over the car!!!!! Oh, honestly, my face ached from smiling, I can't tell you how magical it all was. Florence has a wicked, deep tummy chuckle, and we were all in fits as these monkeys clambered over the windscreen and we could hear them scampering on the roof (we took my old shed car so if they started getting 'rippy' it wouldn't be as big an issue!)

Both girls later had their first go on a Bouncy Castle, Alice had to be dragged off, then a good hour in a toddler playground while we attempted to shove something other than crisps and snacks down their throats. I can wholeheartedly say it was the BEST day out, ever.

Oh!

For Gina...

...as she asked why I hadn't posted in so long. Well, we discussed that but here's some stuff been happening apart from that!

Alice has had chicken pox, albeit very mildly (lucky us) For once she was a google-perfect child and her first 'lesion' looked exactly like the one google gave me! She wasn't terribly poorly, although in the week before it showed up she was ill, and also didn't get too many spots, and they weren't v v itchy. What a little trooper!

I got promoted, temporarily at the moment, and frustratingly expected to maintain my other role at the same time. This is very stressful, and I am doing a lot of work/reports etc in the evenings to try to stay on top of things. Lovely pay rise, BUT the stress is obviously telling as have just been off for day and a half with a hideous migraine.

Florence dropped bottles!!!! yes, yes, I know at her age it's hardly a red letter moment, but she decided it herself and hoooow wonderful it is, especially as we had all Dr Brown bottles and their 500 components. Oh, and there is NO nighttime milk now either - I treat her like a gremlin, don't feed her after midnight. (I do allow her to get wet sometimes though, but thankfully that doesn't result in lots of little Florences popping off here and there - the world isn't ready for that yet)

DH is working ridiculous hours. He so dedicated, it scares me. We're trying really hardly to ensure he gets tons of good time with the girls, and attempting to make sure we two connect at some point too, but it's hard.

I broke a toe, for those of you who know me, this is kind of a hobby with me now - 3rd time. DH is more astounded how I manage it than sympathetic. It's one of the middle ones and wasn't jolted out of place this time so I didn't bother getting it checked out, and its buddies can keep it straight.

We took the girls to a beach for the first time. Florence adores the whole sand thing, whilst Alice is loving the sea, and I spent a jolly hour running down to the shore, little paddle, back up...down to the shore...It was curtailed because Alice allegedly saw a crab (I am not convinced), which despite scaring her out of the sea has made her laugh ever since.

So...there you have it. One of the things I spoke to Gina about was the pointlessness of blogging to a limited audience, seems silly when you talk to those people anyway...so I have opened up the blog again. If people want to read me wrong, that's their Karma and I can't change that. If something does bug you, be a grown-up, don't let it fester, talk to me, and if you don't want to...well don't. But I bet you read me wrong ;-)

Linds, my little flower, I have been a terrible friend the last few weeks, you know I adore you, and will be on to chat as soon as I can, and I will comment on your blog but to say it here: write from your heart hon, like you always do, I don't see a thing that needs changing, your blog is funny, creative, loving. living and NEVER boring. Your beautful soul shines through in your blog and you should be proud of it.

Things to do when you feel pissy...

1. Eat (OBVIOUSLY)

2. Turn into a screeching, hysterical banshee with DH as soon as he comes in, over an issue you could quite easily have discussed like 2 humans who have vowed to be life partners

3. Look for funny stuff on the net (takes some doing)

4. Start a blog entry cos so much of the supposedly 'funny' stuff on the net is dire. And makes you feel more pissy.

5. Ignore the cat's pleading for biscuits (if you're suffering so can he)

6. Eat a bit more

7. Think about what you're gonna eat next

8. Sigh a lot

9. Demand DH puts something on TV you like, then when he does sniff and say 'too late, I am blogging now'

10. Go to bed early to make the nasty day go away

11. Can you eat in your sleep?

All about Florence

On July 10th 2005 Alice was being looked after by my lovely midwife friend, and DH and I were scrubbing our house out, on our knees. It was a hot day and I kept coming over all 'funny'. Made myself drink more and cracked on.

A week or so after we moved I felt the usual rumblings of AF on her way...day after day...every morning I woke up with enough AF pain to be absolutely convinced she would be there...nothing.

After a week of this, during a quick visit to the supermarket I tossed a First Response (am becoming an advert for them!) in the trolley, saying to DH 'this will start it, it always has done' At home DH unpacked the shopping and went and watched TV, whilst I nipped to the loo, did the stick wee and stuck the test on the side. I then glanced back and saw the biggest, thickest, almost BLACK second line. O M G. I AM PREGNANT. GULP. HOW DID THAT HAPPEN. I minced down to DH with the immortal words 'I know why I haven't got my period...and held out exhibit A'. Alice, our 7m gurgled happily on her mat, unaware of the enormity of what was happening, and unaware she was on her way to being a big sister - BIG? who were we kidding??!! She was tiny! not even crawling!

My lovely GP at the time (sadly missed, Dr Dave, sadly missed) bunged me on steroids straight away to combat any potential immune stuff which was part of our original problems previously, and also set up weekly BPs/wee tests to spot any pre eclampsia hints early on. We had a swift early scan at 5+5 which showed a little sac and yolk sac. At 8w I had a sudden urge to test again. It was negative. The world stood still, until that point we didn't know how we felt, to be truthful, but suddenly we had stepped back in time and it looked like we were travelling down an old road again. But a scan 2 days later showed a healthy little blob with a cracking heartbeat and we were back in the game.

Florence's was from that point a fairly uneventful pregnancy. Apart from feeling a little foolish waddling into the ante-natal clinic with a baby in a pushchair, and seeing the 'looks' (no, honestly - we really DIDN'Texpect this to happen!) it was a breeze. I had lots of scans as Alice had been so small they wanted to be completely sure things weren't going awry in there. The only complication Florence gave us was her determination to ignore the fact that she needed to move into some sort of birth position. She was lying right across me with the cord bundled below her 'tranverse unstable lie'. We live quite far from the hospital (30-40 mins) and the consultant said that was too long to chance me going into labour, it had to be planned c-section, and I had to be in hossy from 36w. I had had some periody pains, from about 30w, but of course, not having sniffed labour with Alice I had nothing to go by. When I did get taken in to sit it out until 38w they saw I was actually having regular contrax on the monitor. Within a day or so of lying around like Lady Muck in hospital it had all stopped, so probably overdoing it with work/Alice.

A not particularly pleasant c-section and my Flower was with us. She seemed huge, huuuuge compared to Alice, but absolutely perfect. We had a few problems in the first few days with her blood sugar and temp, but some TLC and things got sorted.

Florence is such a huge character. You cannot ignore that fact she's around. She's very, very active and is very inquisitive - nothing is safe from her roving eyes and hands. She, like her big sis has a healthy sense of humour and is constantly chuckling to herself. We did have an awful time as she went over the year point, without getting mobile in any sense - taking our concerns to the medics confirmed there may well be something amiss, and for 3 months DH and I were devestated there might be something seriously wrong with our littlest girl. Thank heavens, she caught up, all of a sudden. Florence is now, not only my opinion but daycare's too, very ahead for her age, and her vocabulary is huge, 10-word complex sentences and games almost as involved as Alice's being the norm. Florence adores her 'mo-mo' (scraggy monkey toy), Tigger and Scooby-Doo. She also loves The Little Mermaid and does the 'singing' bit with much gusto. She's recently hit the age where they start knowing fear, and we now regularly have conversations around 'I'm a bit scared of elephants, Mummy' (word for word!) She loves playing house, and climbing - the latter to our dismay most of the time, she can be a big worry. She has the most delicious feet, and luckily for me she loves having them held/stroked because I am addicted to them! She's very, very cuddly, and my favourite time with her is when it's her and me after her bath, kissing, playing and stroking her dry into her jim-jams.

Florence, you are the daughter I TRULY never dared even get as far as dreaming about. I am so thankful for you, and how you came along - my cautious nature would have probably stopped me even thinking about trying for #2, assuming we'd had all our share of luck with Alice, but you snuck in there and I am so pleased you did. I call you my little bright sunshine face, that's what you are. I love you my little sweet darling.

All about Alice

We first saw Alice when she was tiny. Microscopic. 4 cells big. Alice was the happy result of our 2nd IVF, after 5 chemical pregnancies and 3.5 years of tears, frustration and angst.

I joined Weightwatchers 5 days past transfer, I was so lacking in hope and knew we'd decided this was the end of the line for us. 2 days in I was eating like a horse and my 20 'points' didn't seem to be enough to keep a mouse alive. 8 days past transfer I decided to test, wanting to get into the right frame of mind by accepting negatives. There was the faintest line. The next day it was a little darker, the next darker still. I held this little secret inside me, along with this invisible-to-the-naked eye little person. I couldn't let myself think about it. I couldn't think of anything else. I also started to get the symptoms of OHSS, which I knew were a good sign in the second week of the 2ww. I finally 'treated' myself to a first response. Bright, lovely, lovely, gleaming pink lines. 2 of them. That night I told DH, with no fanfare or tricks. We'd been here before, and out the hideous dark other side all too often. We got the official postive from our clinic at 17 days post transfer. High, high, rampaging hcg numbers. The day after I started bleeding. An NHS emergency doc asked me exactly how IVF worked and I knew I was onto a loser. The CARE scan saw twins. The bleeding continued, got worse, and finally at 8w we lost the twin.

But...not my Alice! Alice was a tiny scrap at birth - 4lb 11oz, pre eclampsia had cheated her of yummy in-mummy dinners, so she set to, gobbling all hours of the day and night. Ignoring the boob, far more interesting to suck her own tongue so we had to go onto bottle, no fall-back fat to mess around with establishing and teaching her breastfeeding.

Alice is a gorgeous, bright, hysterically funny little girl. Every day she astounds me with her imagination. Alice charms everyone she meets, she's such a chatty, friendly and loving little girl. Alice has beautiful, unusual eyes - cornflower blue with icey green in the centre. Alice is very slight, but now (Thank God!) eats us out of house and home. Alice loves doing puzzles, and playing house. Her games are very convoluted these days and I can sit and listen forever to 'here comes the postman, he's bringing letters for Snow White and then she'll make dinner for the ducks'. Alice loves riding her bike, and pedals around..and around...and around forever. She loves pre-school and comes home full of stories of what went on, and especially funny, who got told off for being naughty (never includes herself in these stories so I presume her behaviour is exemplary ;-) ) Alice is very, very cuddly, and my favourite time with her is when she climbs into bed with me in the morning at weekends, just before Florence wakes up. Adorable (bony!) little warm body curled into mine, us stroking one another's cheeks and murmering silliness to each other. Alice has a huge sense of humour and finds so many things funny, and is already coming out with hilarious one-liners. I sometimes find it hard to tell her off with her cheeky grin and silly sayings - she knows exactly how to make me explode into giggles.

I love you Alice, thank you for coming to us. You were most definitely worth all that went before and I feel so lucky to have you. When I kiss you goodnight I still have that flicker at seeing the first positive and my heart swells with love knowing that was you, the beautiful, beautiful little girl you are.